From Darkness to Mastery

February Month of Love

When I was a child, winters in Colorado were a whole lot worse than they are now. I was born towards the end February and always wanted to have an after-school birthday party with my friends, but it was always iffy because there usually was a Blizzard and the parents were afraid they might not be able to get home on the icy roads, with low or no visibility.

From Darkness to Mastery: How My Spiritual Healing Journey Became a Path for Others

So that meant cold, lonely birthday gatherings with just my sister, mom and dad and a cheese cake made by my dear ol’ mom from one of those do-it-yourself boxes topped with a can of cherry pie mix. I always found it amusing as a child that a lot of my presents were heart shaped candles in pink, white and red that also matched my gift bags.

Pink gift ideas

I didn’t find out until way later in life that my mom must have bought all the left-over Valentine’s Day gifts from the discount shelf a week earlier. I mean we got a bargain deal, that was a win-win situation for the both of us. I got a ton of pink, white and red gifts with hearts all over them. All the while, I thought she just loved me dearly, well she does, but looking back now I find it amusing.
So, February, is a month that can bring up childhood memories around Valentine’s Day that were probably pretty fun, and for me they were always a highlight of my birthday month, because I loved to have a list of all my class mates, and selecting just the right card for each friend.

Loosing Touch

That was fun, until 6th grade, when my parents decided to divorce. They were always fighting, and hardly getting along. Those stress hormones, were raging esp. around Valentine’s Day, and this particular year the stress even flooded over into my birthday week.

That was a miserable year for me. It sticks out in my mind due to the announcement that my parents were not going to be together any more, and they are officially divorcing, and boy was that ugly.

It really wasn’t heard of by many married couples to get a divorce, but this was in the 80’s when the women started getting divorces and ended up with big settlements from their rich farmer husbands.

This talk circulated around our remote valley, and all of a sudden it was like a new fad.


Some but not many, of my friends parents were getting divorced, however, I had a whole range of emotions and I really just couldn’t wait for my parents to hurry up and get this whole thing over with. From my personal opinion, I was perfectly fine with this decision, as they didn’t even get along.

My mom eventually moved out of state and remarried. My father, however was always mean and bitter. He tried every which angle to energetically get to my mother, to spare the details, he never relented, some sort of vengeance, anger, or hatred, which I think stemmed from his upbringing. I noticed that there was an energetic connection and that his negative thoughts were still affecting my mom, even though she moved over 17 hours away across state boarders. This was my first experience with Energetic Cords that hold people back from personal growth.

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Unfortunately, my father never resolved his emotions and to detriment, still harbors these negative feelings today, which have affected his internal organs and in addition, he never got married even though he had a few girlfriends.

He is old and alone now, because nobody can hardly stand to be around him. He lashes out and hurts people still, after all this time due to this unresolved energy. I feel sad for him.

As for my mom, she was married and experienced freedom and happiness that extended boarders to several other countries and states, that never would have been available if she stayed married to my father.

All that being said, I have studied ways to deal with stress, find happiness, and live my best life. I became a health food store manager, when my sister came down with cancer at an early age. I was determined to find a solution to her suffering. This is when I started work with a Native American Shaman in Nashville, TN. I went on several spiritual journeys and excelled quickly in the spiritual realm.

Even though I was quite happy in my 20’s living my dreams, that came to a halt, when I became a mother, in my early adult life. I found a deep, dark, shadow side to myself that would pop its ugly head out on occasion.

I noticed myself doing things I would not want to choose to do consciously, but my body was following along as if it already knew what to do, even though my conscious mind was screaming to stop, it couldn’t get me to, even though I was able to watch myself follow through with the old routine. This was when I discovered my Shadow Work.


I am so thankful for my conscious mind showing me how my habitual behaviors were detrimental to my growth.


Book of Shadows

I focused down, and began to work on myself. In the “dark” of my own soul. I didn’t tell anybody about what I was researching, however, after long hours of Journaling in my Book of Shadows with information I scoured from the internet, I discovered several teachers, who mastered techniques that brought about the fastest relief from the pain and suffering I had buried deep in my subconscious mind.

I have taken several courses, NVC (non-violent communication), EFT & Matrix rei-mprinting, Past Life Regression , Akashic Records, Astral Travel, Dream interpretation, Psychic training, Dr. Silva Ultra-mind, Ed Dames Remote Viewing, SOLAS Astrology, Love Magick,  just to name a few.

I bought many books and practiced advanced techniques over and over with my coaches until I mastered them. I surrounded myself in community of like-minded people and worked with masters, one-on-one.

I didn’t realize at the time, that my pain and suffering would be the keys to other people’s healing journey.

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